No, you are NOT good enough…yet

“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darnit, people like me...” - Stewart Smalley

I am a fan of waking up early, having a morning routine and setting the stage for creating success for the rest of the day by having a few, consistent wins each morning. I know that waking up early isn’t something everyone enjoys doing, and I was certainly in that category for most of my life, until I learned how productive this time can be (more on that in a later post). 

My morning routine development began when I was young, having to be at school by 0730 each morning, because my parents both worked. This routine remained surprisingly consistent, even when I joined the military, for the bulk of my life. I generally only woke up early enough to realize I would be late if I didn’t rush to put on my clothes, brush my teeth and get out the door. It wasn’t until I was in my thirties that I started thinking there must be something beneficial about waking up earlier and not being rushed. 

Eventually, as I progressed along the self-development path, I came across Napoleon Hill’s works on success, and he advocated for having a strong morning routine. It sounded like a good idea, but it wasn’t until I first read the book The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod in 2015 that I finally found something that gave me a blueprint for how to wake up in the morning. I loved the concepts in that book, and I have continued to use much of what I found there to create success each morning. 

One of the pieces of his routine that I personally have always found difficult to understand is the idea of affirmations. To be fair, Hal isn’t the only person who has talked about using them, it’s something that goes way back to Napoleon Hill, and possibly even earlier. (Indeed, you may have heard the aphorism “early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise", but you may not know that this saying can be traced back as far as the year 1496!) In fact, affirmations (aka “self-talk”) have probably been the single, most prevalent aspect of self-development that the general public knows about it. It’s a good bet that, if you run into anyone who has ever heard of the discipline of self-development, they will likely ask something along the lines of “oh, you mean telling yourself how good you are?” If they are over 35, they might even reference the quote at the top of this post from Al Franken’s character Stewart Smalley. Smalley was a recurring character on Saturday Night Live, and he often repeated his mantra in front of a mirror, much to the amusement of the crowd, who found his affirmations ridiculous at best.

I think this really begs the question: are affirmations useful? According to another book I’m currently reading, they play into the ego, and generally seek to build up self-esteem. Sounds like a good thing, right? During my childhood, I remember being inundated with the idea that my self-esteem was too low (not mine personally, just every kid’s in general), and that I needed to elevate my self-esteem so that I wouldn’t commit suicide...for some reason. It sounded good at the time, and many people still think it’s the right way to raise kids today. The only thing that seems to give people pause is the oft-cited stats about the high self-esteem of murderers, but they generally just dismiss that as an absurd twist. 

After much thought on the matter, I think there’s probably some utility in the concept of the affirmation and raising self-esteem. However, I think that we’ve probably been using it incorrectly. The Jewish and Christian faiths teach us that we should seek the esteem of others, and rather than cultivating self-esteem (the connotation being “a sense of high self-worth that is not based on any concrete achievement”), we should cultivate self-respect (meaning we are deriving our worth from the things we’ve actually done). I think there is great utility in these teachings. In the book I’m currently reading, the author mentions how many people feel awkward when they attempt to say affirmations, and that their minds automatically recoil or protest. That’s 100% me. If I say I am a good person, my mind immediately responds “no, you’re not.” If I say I am a smart person, I get a similar response. Even using the affirmations from the books cited results in the same sorts of internal protestations. 

One of the hardest for me is the idea that “I deserve happiness,” because I don’t believe that I deserve anything, at least not in the modern connotation of the word. I believe that I receive that which I work for, and that if I do not work for it, I will not receive it. This is the truest meaning of “deserve,” but it’s not how the word is generally used today.

In fact, the only time I don’t get any sort of pushback from my mind is when I state things about how I behave. For example, if I say something to the effect of “I serve my customers with joy, integrity and sincerity,” I get no complaints from my mind, especially after I follow this up with action where I serve my customers with joy, integrity and sincerity. 

In the book I am currently reading, the author states that there is no utility in elevating self-esteem because of the problem of internal strife that results from telling yourself that you are something that you don’t actually believe yourself to be. He states that one cannot gain confidence in one’s own abilities by brainwashing yourself to believe in them. I think he’s probably correct. However, I think there is also something useful about self-esteem. I think the proper use of affirmation is to elevate self-esteem just enough so that internal confidence is boosted, allowing you to accomplish something you feel is important and worthy of your best efforts. 

The caveat is that you must believe that this accomplishment is going to espouse or reinforce your fundamental values and principles in some way. If it undermines them, or somehow conflicts with them, achieving it will result in lower self-respect. Without self-respect, you will not be able to win the esteem of others. 

Why is that important? Because the esteem of others is how we validate that the things we believe ourselves to be are based in reality, rather than in some delusion. If you only use self-esteem as your guide, then your self-image is generated completely from within, and that’s how people become narcissists. 

Bottom line: Don’t buy into the current trend of people telling you that you’re good enough just the way you are right now. You know it’s not true, and that’s why you are on this path with me. If there was any truth to the idea that you’re already good enough, you would see evidence of it manifesting as something like living the most amazing life you could possibly imagine. That life may not be yours now, but it can be yours in the future. I have faith in your ability to create the life you desire. I am here to help you. Let me know when you’re ready to get started.

Be strong and of good courage, and good things will come your way.